Fade in…. fade out. Fade in… fade out… blur.

My head slowly rolls back and I look up. Nothing. Look left, look right. Nothing.

I take a sip of sprite, but the carbonated drink makes me nauseous. It almost burns as it crawls down my dry throat. My hand shakes as I put it back down and a soft moan slips out from between my lips.

Fade in, fade out.

I open my eyes and realize my tongue is pressed between my teeth.

Don’t grind. Don’t clench. Don’t grind. Don’t clench.

My tongue is numb.

I hear a ring, but it’s distant. I think it’s my cell phone. I reach out my hand and I feel my phone. It’s heavier than it should be. It takes me a few grabs, but I answer it. It’s difficult to speak.

My tongue is numb.

I let out a soft hello. It’s my friend.

Fade in, fade out.

I can’t talk right now, sorry. I’m fine. I’m just… tired. Yeah. Tired. I can’t go to bed, I have too much energy. Really. I’m fine. I need to go.

Fade in, fade out. Fade in, fade out. Blur.

My tongue is numb.

I place my phone back on the side table.

My vision is blurred. Who was I talking to?

It doesn’t matter.

Fade in, fade out. Blur.

“What are you feeling?”

“What?”

“What are you feeling?”

“Oh. I don’t feel.”

My tongue is numb.

“What about your thoughts?”

“Well… I don’t have any thoughts. It’s like in the morning and the fog suddenly comes on and it’s thick. It’s blank and it’s empty. My mind is clouded and blank and empty.”

“Just sit back and relax, just sit back and relapse again.” – Panic! At the Disco

“These children learn from cigarette burns… all these asphyxiated self medicated take the white pill, you’ll feel alright” - 3OH!3

 

Richler